Why addiction requires us to be spiritual people: the lesson of Al-Anon

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At the beginning, I began to re-examine the curiosity about Zen, Taoism and Buddhism inspired by my previous professional culture in Japan, Cambodia and Thailand. I got rid of Charlotte Joko Beck’s book, attended a seminar organized by Pema Chödrön, and listened to ISHTA Yoga co-founder Alan Finger (Alan Finger). Finger) meditation. Usually, this is a sensible pursuit, the purpose of which is to convince myself that I am practicing a spirituality that will ultimately save my relationship with the man I love.

However, the current practices, regardless of their motives, have strange effects. It opens a door for who we are.

Gradually, my efforts transformed into a greater sense of self.Subtle shift Mindfulness Happen, not words but consciousness. My need to “fix” everything was relieved, and I became more open and willing to accept my own experience.

When I first thought about these emotions, I became more compassionate, and these emotions were “caused” by my partner. I began to think about more internal concerns: What caused my anger? When is my anger most obvious? What if I label my emotions without controlling my emotions?

These reflexes help me experience physical tension when I feel uncomfortable sensations without taking action. I replaced the act of forcing me to defend my emotions by admitting their existence.

During the interaction with my partner, I observed how the sound of plain text messages on his mobile phone can arouse my insecurities, and how I automatically react with anger. I also noticed that even if I didn’t even try to express his hurt feelings, he couldn’t magically know how I felt, which caused an invisible feeling.

This response pattern appears in many places in our relationship.If he speaks Doubts about our ability to communicate, I immediately felt a deep-rooted sense of failure. No curiosity, not even a short pause.

The causality of our interaction has been well practiced. My discomfort with emotional suffering immediately turned into anger. Faced with my hostility, my partner responded kindly.

Within a few minutes of the phone’s bell ringing or the forgotten “how are you”. We are in trouble. Since his addiction, we have all fallen into the old behavior, and constantly repeat the old role.

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