What works and what does not work


You may want to know if your partner, colleague, or family member is a narcissist.Although many people have what doctors call narcissistic characteristics, such as self-importance and entitlements (what they think they deserve), they are diagnosed as Narcissistic personality disorder It may be a bigger challenge.

“Living with a narcissist requires different or more advanced emotional skills,” said Kimberly Perlin, a licensed person. Clinical social worker Towson, Maryland.She is good at helping women relationship Narcissists also treat narcissists.

Having a narcissist in your life can be frustrating and emotionally challenging. Your relationship may revolve around them. You may feel frustrated and tired because of their demands.

When she was a child, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist in Santa Rosa, California, did not realize that her eldest sister was a narcissist. She said: “It is very challenging to grow up with this highly controlled person.” “It was not until I became an adult that I realized that this sibling is a very troubled narcissist.”

How to spot a narcissist

Narcissists have strong ambitions. This means that they consider themselves more important than others and often seek admiration.

One of Perlin’s customers is a good example. “The customer who had worked with me for many years ended treatment When he saw my new website and was insulted that the website did not talk about him, he was with me. “she says.

Narcissists often:

  • Have a strong sense of ambition (they have high self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, and often feel that they are superior to others)
  • Arrogant
  • Use others to get what they want
  • Believe whether they are unique or special
  • Exaggerated achievements and talents
  • Need constant admiration
  • Jealous of others
  • Believe that others envy them
  • Lack of empathy
  • Fantasies obsessed with brilliance, strength, or success
  • Have a sense of power

Narcissists and interpersonal relationships

Manly has learned a lot about narcissists from her siblings and the experience of working with them. “I understand that narcissists are the focus of their own lives. They usually think that they are perfect and will blame others for problems at work, family or social situations,” she said.

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Narcissists may make every effort to get what they want. They usually don’t feel sympathy, and they are unable to establish intimate connections with other people, even with their closest people.

At work, narcissists may be admired, even if it hurts others. They may take pride in the work of others, disrupt their colleagues, or change their behavior to gain approval from their superiors. They seem to be friendly and hardworking, but they often do more than satisfy their needs. eye.

At home, narcissists can affect the entire family. If you have an intimate relationship with a narcissist, then they may criticize you highly, remote and rude. You may feel invisible, rude and lonely. If you are the child of a narcissist, you may have been ignored or abused.

Sometimes it is best to sever the relationship with the narcissist, especially if they are deceiving themselves.

“For myself Mental Health, I chose not to invest in a personal relationship with my brothers and sisters,” Manley said. She accepts that her brothers and sisters will not see their behavior as a problem, and because her brothers and sisters do not want to grow up, they continue to fall in love. It will only lead to more frustration.

If you have a romantic relationship with a narcissist, this can be very challenging. “Hitchhiking, this will be a very bumpy journey,” said Dr. Forrest Talley, a clinical psychologist in Folsom, California. “This will be an extremely onerous relationship.”

What to do with narcissists

Please take the following steps to deal with narcissists:

educationyourself. Learn more about the disease. It can help you understand the strengths and weaknesses of narcissists, and learn how to deal with narcissists better. Knowing who they are may also make you accept the status quo and have realistic expectations.

Create boundary. Know your boundaries. This may make the narcissist feel uneasy or disappointed, but it does not matter. Remember, it’s not your job to control that person’s emotions, Perlin said.

Speak for yourself. When you need something, be concise and clear. “Please make sure they understand your requirements, Perlin said.

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Pay attention to your wording. Manley said that narcissists have a bad attitude towards constructive criticism. Try to comment in a prudent and positive way.

keep cool. If they try to fight or ignite you, please don’t react (make you doubt your reality).If they lash out, you can think of them as 3-year-old children because their parents set a Bedtime, Tully said.

carry on

Create a support system. Living with a narcissist can lead to feelings of insecurity, confusion, and self-doubt. Talley said: “Make sure you have a core group of people in your life who can support you.”

Hire a counselor. treatment It can’t cure your partner’s narcissism, but it can help you solve certain problems. The counselor can show you how to solve problems with the narcissist.

Nothing to do with the narcissist

Certain things can cause problems for narcissists, so it is best to avoid these problems.

Don’t argue or face it. Manly discovered that it is best not to confront the narcissist directly. Although it is difficult to keep tipping around them, it may be better to deal with their need for a sense of responsibility better.

Don’t try to direct them. Narcissists like to have control and are often afraid of losing control. “Efforts to lead or guide narcissists often fail,” Manley said.

Don’t expect them to see your point of view. Narcissists don’t like to admit that they are wrong or dislike them, so trying to make them see themselves can be counterproductive.

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Don’t expect in-depth, meaningful communication. Manley said: “Anaesthetists rarely have empathy, so honest, heartfelt communication often fails, and it can even cause angry outbursts or pauses in reactions.”

Don’t read past questions. Palin said, don’t try to get them to see a series of behaviors dating back a few years-or, for example, how they are like fathers. On the contrary, when you express a request or get hurt, stay in the moment.

People with narcissistic personality disorder usually do not change, so keep this in mind. Even if you learn to manage your relationship better, it may never be a healthy relationship.


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