What to do if your parents are narcissists

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Ten years ago, when Cat Blake divorced her husband, living with their daughter’s parents was relatively smooth. She said: “Our cooperative parenting is relatively good, and some minor problems have appeared in the process.”

But a few years later, when she published her autobiography, she said that she was struggling with dependence on others, and the situation got worse.

Blake said: “My ex-husband and his new wife read this book and sued me for the full custody and defamatory traits of my eight-year-old daughter at the time.” Blake said he is now a divorce coach in Boston, Massachusetts. Attorney fees increased her financial burden, and she had to sell her house and file for bankruptcy.

Blake later realized that her ex-husband (who claimed to be a narcissist) didn’t even want to be with his daughter. She said: “He just wanted to punish me.”

The feeling of being a parent with a narcissist

“Parenting with someone with complete personality disorder is very challenging,” said PsyD author Mark Ettensohn Exposing Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Life. He said that the self-image of narcissists is very unstable. They usually lack resilience, defensive capabilities, and manage the situation in an unhealthy way.

if your Parenthood Partners are narcissists and they may ignore, sell or test your boundaries. Or they may have less structure, empathy or respect than you want. When you give them feedback or criticism, they usually get angry. It is difficult to reach a compromise. Their negative emotions will disappoint you.

How to recognize a narcissist

Narcissists have strong ambitions and conceit. This means that they think they are more important than others and lack empathy.

Other signs Narcissistic personality disorder include:

  • Arrogant attitude or behavior
  • Use others to get what they want
  • Believe that they are unique or special
  • Exaggerated achievements and talents
  • Very much in need of admiration
  • Be jealous of others or think that others are jealous of them
  • Sympathetic
  • Fantasies obsessed with brilliance, power, or success
  • Sense of right

What to do if your parents are narcissists

If you are co-parenting with a narcissist, follow these steps:

accept. If your foster parent partner is a narcissist, then they may not change. Blake said: “You have to concentrate on the fact that you have to be parents with someone you might not like.”

carry on

Set boundaries. Be clear. Draw a line between the okay and okay places. Don’t let them pass it. Narcissists love control and will do everything they can to gain control.

carry on

Make a parenting plan. Make a plan for how to get on and off the bus and pick up and drop off the kids, and how to deal with after-school activities, holidays and discipline. Determine how and how often you talk. Write down the plan, sign it, and stick to it.

Limit communication. Your parenting partner may try to get your attention through communication. They may suddenly tell you some questions they need to answer immediately. Try to use email only so that you have a chance to catch your breath before replying.

keep cool. When your partner lashes out or makes you angry, try to stay calm. Avoid insults or accusations. “Use clear language, words without emotion, strong body language, And sound. “Blake said.

Visionary.Try not to be personally attacked heart. Instead, realize that they say more than you.

What not to do

If you are a narcissist, please avoid the following:

carry on

Don’t quarrel. Narcissists can hardly win arguments. They often talk in circles and make you feel confused and overwhelmed. Keep the answer short and clear, and don’t move. Don’t explain yourself or provide too much information. This is also called the “grey rock method”.

Don’t be afraid of them. “They grow up in fear,” Blake said. “Once you realize what annoys them, it’s easy for the Nazists. They just want attention and honor.” When confirming that they are doing well. However, please observe your boundaries.

Don’t try to control everything. Blake said: “As long as you have a job, try to let go of what the narcissist does in raising children. Can your children be fed again and again? That’s good.”

Don’t use your kids. Your partner may use your child to get what they want. They may let them monitor your private information. You may also want to do this, but it is best not to.

How to protect children

Ettensohn said: “When you are not present, it is difficult to protect your child from the personality problems of your parents.” Focus on what you can control.

Talk to your child. Help them understand the behavior of other parents. Make it age-appropriate. Tell them that the behavior of their parents is about their parents, not their behavior.

Watch what you say. Try not to say negative things to your parenting partner. Ettensohn said: “This may make your child unfavorable to you, and they may be obliged to choose a party.” Blake said: “Pay attention to nonverbal communication, talk to friends and family in the ear, and talk your child with The narcissist compares.”

Watch for signs of abuse. Look for anything that can cause physical, sexual or emotional abuse.

Be a healthy parent. You cannot choose how your partner will parent your children, but you can make up for it by healthy parenting. Be a good example. Guide your child through difficult repairs. Ettensohn said: “The solution to your partner’s narcissism is acceptance, enthusiasm, realistic evaluation and perseverance.”

For Blake, parenting with a narcissistic ex-husband is not easy, but she has always maintained this view. She said: “Children only need a high-level parent to grow into a thriving adult.”

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