50-year-old Ramae Hamrin was diagnosed with Multiple myeloma In 2018.
A resident of northern Minnesota said her best friend had distanced herself and seemed unable to deal with Hamlin’s children. Cancer diagnosis And strongly doubt modern medicine. Hamlin has moved away from her mother and sister near her, but she hopes that these emotional bonds can change in her situation. That didn’t happen.After she seemed to improve, their frequency decreased Chemotherapy, Hamlin said. The researcher’s teacher sent a card with money and gifts, but only kept in touch.
“I’m surprised by people who I thought would appear but couldn’t or didn’t want to be.” Multiple myeloma Known as the incurable blessing. There was a positive result: an ex-boyfriend quit his job to help Hamlin after he fell and broke his hip.
New momentum with your partners
Common symptoms of multiple myeloma-such as bone pain, nausea, Mentally fuzzy and fatigue -It can curve a healthy marriage or partnership. Also, if your treatment includes a corticosteroid called dexamethasone or “dex,” then irritability and mood swings may cloud a cloud in a few days. The negative effects of multiple myeloma on libido and sexual behavior may trigger another curve.
It is important to foresee how this relationship will change once a partner is appointed as the chief caregiver. Lindsay Weaver, a senior social work consultant at the MD Anderson Lymphoma and Myeloma Center in Houston, said: “This may suddenly become a medical relationship, and all conversations seem to be related to cancer.” “You may lose this connection and why in the first place. Join the partnership system.”
At the same time, that partner may also be dealing with issues such as “We have children; what happens if you die?” said Kendelle Miller, a clinical social worker at the Winship Cancer Institute at Emory University in Atlanta. In addition, Paige Soleimani, a cancer social worker at CancerCare in New York, said that the partner may not be worthy of the role of guardian and feel guilty of their own health.
Finding emotional support outside of family and friends is crucial. Psychotherapy, Or Talk therapy, Is a choice. cancer Organizations can help you find affordable groups treatment Meeting if you don’t have Health insurance Or not including treatment. Miller recommends researching referral resources in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Association, the Bone Marrow and Cancer Foundation, and the International Myeloma Foundation.
As for personal time, Weaver said that it is vital that both parties be disciplined and look for opportunities every day without having to discuss myeloma. “If you don’t have the power to take a half-hour walk, please sit outside for 30 minutes for your loved one. Soleimani added. For both parties, even if it’s just a long baptism, they must set aside personal time every day without guilt. It is also very important.
Dealing with misunderstandings with family
As a self-described outstanding student of Type A, Hamrin said that she worked hard to obtain some basic conditions, such as seeing a doctor. In the end, she decided that “when you accept help, you are actually giving a gift because other people want to help.”
However, reaching this level of comfort with family and friends may encounter some difficulties. Some people may become very emotional and withdraw. Others may not understand why you can’t do more, because you look good after chemotherapy. For example, Hamrin’s two college-age daughters encountered difficulties in their unknown future.
Miller said: “There is a lot of old and bad information about multiple myeloma on the Internet,” “I have to do a lot of guidance on guiding people to use current accurate resources.”
In addition to education, cancer counselors also provide the following advice:
- If they are uncomfortable, don’t try to force family and friends to talk about their concerns publicly.
- If they will play an active role in your care, encourage them to seek individual or group treatment.
- The boundaries must be established directly and firmly, for example, no visits, phone calls, or text messages are allowed on the day of the doctor appointment.
- During the pandemic, let your network continue to shift to phone and computer tasks, such as setting up medical appointments, arranging childbirth, and dealing with creditors to provide you with remote assistance.
Reveal how much at work
Soleimani said that most of the people she advised decided not to tell colleagues about their illness, provided they felt that they were strong enough to continue working. She said: “They need space and standardization.” But she encourages them to at least meet with the human resources department for emergencies.
Miller said that clients who work with high salaries often report that their employers have great flexibility in working hours and telecommuting. But she worries that people in the service industry face the risk of honesty. She said that discussions with the human resources department can protect them if they need paid or unpaid leave.
Weaver said that even if you choose which colleagues you associate with, be prepared to alienate some people. But those who are willing to help may show overwhelming support.