How to deal with narcissistic mothers and what works

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When Anju Chandy left a university far away from her hometown in Bakersfield, California, she was only 18 years old. After years of frustration, the further the distance between her and her narcissistic mother can be, the better.

“I know I don’t want to be with my mother. I need to walk my own path from her influence and control.” said Chandi, a musician who now lives in Indianapolis.

“I fight with her in almost all high schools. She wants to control me. She wants me to stay at home, sit, look beautiful and do nothing. Out of irrational fear, she is worried that I want to go out. Promiscuity everywhere, even if it’s not me, it’s not what I want to do.”

Living with a narcissistic mother is challenging. Narcissists are highly self-attractive and often see their children as an extension of themselves. “Usually, children feel that narcissistic parents are unheard of, unknown, and use it often,” the licensee Clinical social worker Located in Towson, Maryland

What do narcissistic mothers do

If your mother is a narcissist, she may be self-sacrificing, like someone who always does things for her child and never thinks of herself.

Narcissistic mothers may be class parents, PTO presidents or football coaches. But this participation is selfish. She does this because she wants attention and needs to be involved in every decision.

If you are an adult, she may be involved in your life too much. Perlin said that compared to her, she might let you do more to her. Maybe you are planning a wedding, but if you invite your father, she will refuse to attend. Or, when you talk, she always shifts the focus back to her.If you have children, she may try to be your child Parenthood Partner, even if it means pushing the other parent away.

PsyD author Mark Ettensohn said that if your mother is a narcissist, she may be emotionally manipulated and forced. Exposing Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Life. He said: “Manic parents may provide unrealistic positive feedback, which may suddenly become too harsh or punitive criticism.”

Except for being a mother, your mother may not see your identity. She may have difficulty understanding and accepting your feelings, and will feel anxious or angry when she is rejected or criticized.

How to identify a narcissist

Palin said: “The narcissistic traits are continuous.” Your mother may have some, such as self-absorption and entitlements.Otherwise she may be mature Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Signs of narcissistic personality disorder include:

  • Strong ambition (a high level of self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence and self-righteous feeling)
  • Arrogant attitude or behavior
  • Use others to get what they want
  • Believe that they are unique or special
  • Exaggerated achievements and talents
  • Very much in need of admiration
  • Be jealous of others or think that others are jealous of them
  • Sympathetic
  • Fantasies of brilliance, strength, or success
  • A sense of entitlement (they should be treated specially as their own identity)

Palin said to ask yourself the following questions to find out if your mother is a narcissist:

  • Can she handle negative feedback?
  • Does she seem to worry too much about her opinion of others?
  • Does she need you to support herself through praise and positive feedback?
  • Does she need others to know that she is the most exhausted, most underestimated or gifted to her mother?
  • Does she know the money you owe her?
  • Do you feel the need to take a certain approach or achieve success for her Love And approved?
  • Does she attract attention in an uncomfortable way, or pay too much attention?

Palin said: “If you answer a lot of questions and her behavior is consistent over time, then you can consider narcissism.”

What to do if your mother is a narcissist

If your mother is a narcissist, please follow the steps below to manage your relationship:

Set boundaries. Establish and maintain healthy boundaries. Know what can and what can’t.

keep cool. Even if this is an insult, please try not to react emotionally to her remarks. Chandi said: “The narcissist wants you to react because it means they have control and can change their mood as they please.” “Your composure is your strength.”

Plan your response. Palin said: “When the conversation goes off track, have a respectful exit strategy.” Prepare and practice statements such as “I must go, mom” or “We must agree to disagree.”

carry on

let go. You may feel pressure to make your mother happy and become a perfect daughter or son. Let go of these thoughts. Remember, it’s not your job to make your mother feel different, needed or relevant.

receive help. Talk to the counselor. They can help you understand the impact of her narcissism on you and learn how to break this cycle.

Go away. Remaining limited or no contact with your mother may be the best option, especially if she is rough or violent. Instead, focus on the things you can control. “I am not in contact with my family at the moment,” Qian Di said.She believes that this is the only way to deal with narcissistic mothers, if your growth and happy Is a priority.

What to do if the mother is a narcissist

If your mother is a narcissist, avoid the following things:

Don’t expect to apologize. Narcissists are less likely to accept critical feedback. They often justify and justify their actions. Your mother may not think that she is wrong or that her behavior is bad. She may think that she is the victim, not you.

Don’t try to fix or cure her. You cannot change her personality. Narcissists usually grow up with narcissistic parents and are used and hurt by them. She has no control over this, and there is probably no cure. This may help build compassion for her struggle and realize that what she did was not consciously.

Don’t compare her with others. “Try to maintain the best relationship with the mother you have,” Perlin said. “Think about when you two shine. Do you share your talents or interests? Try to restrain this.”

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