How to deal with emotional vampires


The people in your life may use up your energy for many reasons. They may be narcissists and need constant attention and praise. Maybe they are just too dramatic, negative or complain a lot. On the other hand, they may produce toxic side effects, making you find fakes and tiring ways to produce a happy spin on everything. Or maybe they are good people, but they are bad for you.

In either case, if you are dealing with an emotional vampire, there are things you can do to manage the situation and protect your energy.

“If you can avoid this person, that is my first suggestion.” psychologist At Brigham and Women’s Hospital. “if not [an option], Good at setting boundaries and boundaries and stick to it. “

Susan Albers, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, said: “Limiting contact is very important.” “You don’t have to answer the phone. You don’t have to answer emails. There is always an escape plan. If you answer the phone, you You can say: “Oh, the laundry is inside, I can only talk for 5 minutes. “Setting boundaries is the key.”

Practice self-awareness

Another important step in dealing with emotional vampires in life is to first recognize your problem.

Dattilo said: “Point your finger at another person and say,’This is what they look like.’ It’s easier.” “But you can’t do anything to change them. It’s always a good idea to start with self-awareness. Realize How do you feel after the interaction.”

Ask yourself: What will happen to this person that makes me feel exhausted?

Albers said: “It is important to distinguish between what is a crisis and what is a drama.” “Is this person bringing a real crisis or just a drama?” When you have to spend time to kill your feelings and reactions, Can help you save energy.

“It feels like they have eaten potatoes,” Albers said. “They tell you how they feel and want you to catch them. You can turn them back into place. Tell them they can handle it. This is not your responsibility.”

Self-care and compassion

Practicing good self-care can help. Dattilo said: “When we are in a better place, we will communicate better and tolerate others.” “We will be exhausted because life is stressful. But when we take care of our emotional needs, It can protect us from others and their emotional needs.”

She also suggested finding a way to regain control. Using your own mind to solve this situation will help. “Use this as an opportunity to practice compassion, be present, endure discomfort, concentrate, and listen. You can engage in different ways in a way that is more like a choice. You have a say in this. You can control this person Experience. This is a great way to protect your energy.”

It also helps to prepare for these interactions and seek help. For example, Albers said that if the person who is consuming energy is a family member, please provide help to your spouse or other people in the family to help you avoid being with other people.

A little creativity can sometimes help. Albers said that if they don’t like the word “no”, there are other ways to express it. Try “I can’t now”, “I will do it tomorrow” or “I will contact you”.

Energy vampire at work

You may encounter emotional vampires in another place at work. In this case, it may be particularly difficult to avoid personnel or even set restrictions. This is especially true when the emotional vampire is your supervisor or boss.

Joel Carnevale, an assistant professor of management at Syracuse University, has been studying the impact of narcissistic leaders in the workplace. His research shows that such attention-seeking leaders make their employees underestimated.

Carnevale said that when employees have no sense of value, their productivity plummets. People became reluctant to say it out loud. They think that their work energy is low.

Avoiding avoiding the supervisor may not be an option, but there are still some things that may help. First, try to understand why the person did this. For example, if the supervisor is threatened by your success, Stroke Ask them for help, for their ego. It can also help when narcissistic leaders at work find that acting in a more inclusive, cooperative, or friendly way is beneficial to them. In the final analysis, all of this will be returned to you.

“Focus on what you can control,” Carnevale said. “You can’t control their behavior, but technically speaking, this is not the cause of fatigue. This is your reaction to these situations. I am a fan of mindfulness, meditation. It can be a useful tool, it can make you more aware of your reaction to these situations, and learn how to avoid being bothered by such situations. “

When to seek help

If you understand the situation so deeply that you cannot be self-aware or remain calm, Mental Health Professionals can discuss with you and help you solve problems.

“Counselors can help you find clear and friendly methods [to address the problem]”Albers said. “They can also assure you that it’s okay to take good care of yourself. Energy vampires will make you feel guilt. “

Dattilo said that if the energy vampire in your life is important to you, such as a parent or partner, then a counselor may be especially helpful. In this case, the counselor can help you communicate, especially if the relationship interferes with your daily life. And, if your relationship is turning into emotional abuse, please seek help.

“This is not something you have to learn to bear better,” Dattilo said.


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