How to build relationships with related people


People living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) It is difficult to regulate one’s emotions, which can be very strong, pressure. This may lead them to criticize people in their lives.As a result, they are often turbulent relationship For the rest of them, this is as difficult as those with BPD. If you live with someone with BPD, this is not news to you, but you may be at a loss.

Daniel S. Lobel, PhD, clinical psychologist People who specialize in providing support to people loved by BPD have suggestions on how to help themselves, their partners, and relationships become healthier.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

Suffering from borderline personality disorder-or living with someone who has it-may be isolated. People with BPD and those who live with them often feel completely alone. Education is crucial, especially when it comes to behaviors that accompany conditions.

carry on

Lobel said that people with BPD tend to criticize and attack people without BPD. “So, people who are with someone with BPD will eventually feel sad about themselves.”

Understanding how BPD is caused can help those who do not have BPD understand that it is not BPD. Lobel recommends to learn more about Borderline Personality Disorder and seek support on the following websites:

Take care of yourself first

Lobel said: “Before taking any other action, you must prevent others from harming you in order to make progress in the relationship.” Try to help them when you are treated badly-being yelled and living in passive aggressive behavior -It is not safe for you, and it will not help your partner.

He said, on the contrary, the first step is to set boundaries for your health. He recommends telling your partner, “Unless I am in good health, I will not be with you; in order to make me healthy, I must prevent you from hurting me.”

If your partner says they can’t stop, then they may need professional help before you can make any progress. Lobel said the goal of this step is to let your partner know: “You must stop abusing me or we have nowhere to go.”


Lobel said: “People with BPD try to get other people to do what they should do for themselves.” Usually they succeed because the other person just wants to stop yelling, so they give in.

Instead, tell your partner, “I will not be involved in unhealthy things.” This may mean insisting on not using drug or alcohol In the house, or if they don’t participate. If your partner yells at you or despise you, it may mean leaving.

Strengthen emotional boundaries

People with borderline personality disorder often bring people nearby into their emotions.

“They think,’If I’m angry, you need to be too angry,’ so they will create an environment to make the other person angry,” Lobel said.

If you can spot these trends, it will greatly help to end this interdependent cycle.

Lobel recommends telling your partner: “You are angry. I understand. I don’t need to be angry to understand, you are angry. We can talk about your anger, but you can’t yell or insult me.”

If they can’t stop the behavior, they can tell them “You have to deal with it yourself.”

Replace unhealthy connections with healthy connections

Fighting or defending yourself with a partner who is unfavorable to you seriously damages your interest and ability to do interesting things with them. This makes connection more difficult.

Lobel said that making changes, such as walking away when they are bad for you, can free up time and emotional space for you to have positive interactions, such as watching a movie or taking a walk together.These are more positive ways of showing Love.


Lobel said: “Consistency is so important because people have the boundaries of BPD testing. If you set a limit, they might see how they can push or violate that limit.” If there is a pattern between you and you It is to let the boundary be stretched or destroyed for a long period of time, so it will not change overnight.

He said: “You can’t just change the boundary one day and expect them to comply.” “In the short term, they will test it more.” This means that the situation may get worse before it gets better.

Lobel said: “But if you can go beyond that part and stay consistent, then they will start to accept your limits.” They won’t stop testing your limits, but they will do less and less.

Support partner’s treatment

There is no specific treatment for borderline personality disorder. But there are some therapies, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), this is the preferred method of treatment. Lobel said: “Trying to get them into the DBT program is very helpful,” because it teaches people with healthier BPD how to respond and interact. You will need to find a therapist who has experience working with DBT and patients with borderline personality disorder.

Let your loved ones know that DBT can help anyone, not just BPD people, because DBT “can help people communicate and increase their tolerance for BPD pressure. “

Give recognition when they make progress. “Appreciate and comment on any positive changes and behaviors you notice,” Lobel said.

Know when you need to protect yourself

Lobel said: “The ultimate limit to a relationship with someone who has BPD is to tell them,’I can’t stay.'” How do you know when to draw the line? Here are some caveats.

  • Physical violence. Lobel said that no one should stay in a romantic relationship while experiencing continued physical violence. “Someone will get hurt, the police will get involved, there is no benefit.”
  • Too many boundaries. When you need to avoid too many topics or all kinds of interactions to prevent your partner from lashing out, you have deleted most of the potential communication, intimacy, and contact methods.
  • Your partner is unwilling to make changes. “If this person insists,’I have no problem, nothing more, that is a red flag and you may have to pack up,” Lobel said.
  • Your mood has been bad. “Have you been walking around in pain?” Lobel asked. “If you are frustrated with this relationship all day, then you have to go.”

Know when to protect your partners

One of the symptoms of BPD is self-harm, such as cuts or Suicidal Such as excess. If you see your partner injured, please call 911.


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