Dealing with the loss of parents


A few months after the death of Cara Zizzo’s mother, she resumed her normal life. She goes to work and chats with friends. But few reminders made her feel sad. “I will find a postcard she sent me at her desk, and then start playing ba,” said Zizo, who lives in New York City. Zizzo, who was 32 at the time, was crushed. She said: “The hardest part is knowing that I will never have a mother again.”

Even for adults, the death of their parents is devastating. “You often lose someone who loves you unconditionally and gives you a sense of security and stability,” said Holly Schiff of PsyD. psychologist Serve with Jewish families in Greenwich, Connecticut. If your relationship is more complicated, you may feel angry or regretful.

sorrowful The loss of the parents is personal. There is no “normal” path or timetable. Everyone handles it in their own way. However, taking steps to understand your emotions and seek support can make this process easier. Start with these strategies.

carry on

Know that your mood will change. Sadness is closely related to sadness. But you may experience a variety of emotions. “When my father died, I was shocked,” said Jason Phillips, a therapist in Raleigh, North Carolina. “Death is not a topic for our family to talk about, so everything returned to normal in a few days.” A few weeks later, when Phillips began to deal with his father’s death, he was full of emotions.

You may experience the following stages of grief:

  • deny. You may feel numb or shocked. This is how your brain processes a lot of news.
  • anger. When you accept this loss, your emotions may turn into anger. You can lead it to other people, deceased parents or higher authority.
  • bargain. You may feel guilty and think about “what if…” and “what if…”, this makes you suffer the reality of loss.
  • Frustrated. As the loss deepens, you will feel sad.You might cry and have Trouble sleeping And diet.
  • acceptance. You have accepted the reality. When you are still upset, you will continue your life.

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According to Dr. Alexandra Emery, a psychologist at Grit City Psychology in Seattle, in most cases, you will not go through these stages in order. You may jump from one to another, or experience multiple at once.

Make yourself sad. The only cure is to make yourself feel emotional, Schiff said. Pushing them away may lead to incomplete sadness. That’s when you get into trouble. You may not move on due to numbness or anger. Schiff suggested setting a specific time to grieve. She said: “When that time passes, please do your best to move on and have a good day.”

For Phillips, he learned something from his father’s death. When his mother died decades later, he knew he had to resolve his grief. He met a counselor and kept a diary to express his emotions.

Get the support you need. Rely on your family, friends and loved ones. You can also find a bereavement support group. “It’s helpful to do the same thing with other people,” Schiff said. If you feel comfortable, please tell your boss and close colleagues. She said: “This way, they won’t expect the same version of you to appear in the office.”

carry on

take care of yourself. It’s easy to lose yourself in grief.However, prioritizing your health can help you better deal with sadness and pressurePhillips said.Take the time to get enough go to bed, Eat well, and work out often. Also do things that bring you happiness. He said: “I like exercise and travel.” “Doing these two things after my mother passed away is very different.”

Seek and accept help. Whether it’s assisting with funeral preparations, bringing food or helping with the children, let others help you. For Zizzo, who lost her mother, she refused the invitation of her friends and let them fly off-road to spend time with her. She said: “I don’t want to cause them inconvenience.” But looking back, she realized that she should let them help. She said: “They want to serve me.”

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Find a way to remember your parents. Emery suggests doing things that will bring you closer to your parents. You can make their favorite recipes, write to them, and celebrate their birthdays. These behaviors can help you work through emotions. “Every year my mother’s birthday, my sister and I always celebrate together.” Zizzo said. She also reminded every day. She said: “I am wearing my mother’s jewelry.” “She is an artist, and my art is hung in my entire apartment.”

carry on

Prepare for emotional recovery. You will feel the greatest pain in the first 6 months after the loss. Schiff said that the first year was very difficult, which is normal. After that, you usually accept the death of your parents and move on. But sadness may intensify, especially on holidays and birthdays.

Consider getting professional help. A kind Mental Health Professionals, such as therapists or psychologists, can help you deal with your emotions. You can see one at any time. However, if your grief does not get better over time, or if your daily life is hindered, it is important to talk to others. For example, you cannot keep up with your work or family.A kind Mental Health Professionals can provide you with tools to manage grief.


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